“…you can fail at what you don’t want, so you might as well take a chance on doing what you love.” – Jim Carey
Who is guilty of self-sabotage?
I am imagining the number of people nodding their heads or randomly in public raising your hand. This topic is not unique, and you’re not unique for falling victim to self-sabotage. I recently completed a book by Gary John Bishop on this topic. If you’re not familiar with his work, he is pretty straight to the point Scottish author. I enjoy his work because it is brutally honest, utilizes humor, and hits you with some honest facts. The whole premise of the work is knowing your saboteurs, so you can work to create the life you imagine by dismantling your old operations and creating new operations.
Personally, I’ve engaged in plenty of self-sabotaging behavior and thoughts my entire life. I literally just ate a piece of chocolate and peanut butter after re-reading my goal to get to 170 pounds this year. I bet we can all relate to self-sabotaging a diet or health goal. Although your health is important and we all need to trace down the roots of those behaviors to live the best life possible, there are more dangerous narratives out there. These narratives may have been repeated for decades and reinforced by those closest to us.
Let’s take a moment and discuss one of the greatest sabotaging behaviors I’ve noticed in my leadership journey. Here is the fact, people fear success. I imagine the eyes rolling and the heads shaking in disagreement. The fact of the matter is that the fear of success stops a lot of potential entrepreneurs from getting started, a lot of leaders from developing, and ultimately limits our own potential. Literally, there are articles on this very topic like this one, in Inc. Magazine, Why Fear of Success Is Holding You Back More Than Fear of Failure. The article author states that your awareness of self-sabotage is half the battle. It’s a fact that most people have a fear of success, this means you.
Now that you have the awareness, it’s time to act. Why aren’t you seeking those promotions? Why aren’t you starting that business? Why aren’t you following your dreams and passions? Most people have very practical excuses. Maybe they don’t have the time to make the switch. Maybe they have a family that depends on their stability to maintain that corporate job. Maybe they need to maintain those corporate benefits. Maybe they are too old, or maybe too young. I had the opportunity to lead two nonprofits by the age of thirty. During each of those experiences, there were sabotaging thoughts.
· Do I have enough experience?
· You’re too young to lead an organization.
· What if I make a mistake?
· What if I can’t secure enough resources to maintain the mission?
· I don’t have the right education or upbringing.
These thoughts were all opportunities for me to sabotage my opportunity to become a leader. As I approach my fourth year as executive director of a nonprofit homeless shelter, I reflect back on my experience. Prior to accepting the role I had another opportunity on the table. The salaries for the positions would have been the same, except the other role would have been a mid-level leadership role in a larger organization. I wouldn’t have had the entire weight of the organization on my shoulders. I wouldn’t have to demand the change of an entire system. I wouldn’t have had to walk out on those tiny branches as a leader, sometimes armed with only a gut belief to guide my decisions. I could have made the “comfortable” choice. This isn’t the first time I’ve had to confront choices and beliefs. When I graduated in 2007 from the University of Northern Iowa, I walked into a job making $27,000 a year. At the same time, I had over $75,000 in student loan debt. I had friends and family members offer me tremendous opportunities that would have been safer financially, but they were outside my area of passion. I wanted to help people. I wanted to change things. I wanted to make an impact on this world. Have you ever heard Jim Carrey talking about his dad’s comedic talent? I recommend you watch the video after you finish this article. However, to wrap up my point I’ll pull the direct quote from Jim.
“So many of us chose our path out of fear disguised as practicality,”…”My father could have been a great comedian, but he didn’t believe that was possible for him. So, he made a conservative choice and instead he got a safe job as an accountant.”
“When I was 12 years old, he was let go from that safe job,” he added. “Our family had to do whatever we could to survive. I learned many great lessons from my father, not the least of which is that you can fail at what you don’t want, so you might as well take a chance on doing what you love.”
It’s time to end your self-sabotaging behaviors and thought patterns. It’s not easy to confront these thoughts, sometimes they will wake you up in the middle of the night. You have to understand that you’re in control of your destiny. You deserve to live your dreams. You deserve to be a leader. You either give in to the sabotaging thoughts, or you dismantle them and build the system and life you want. If you’re persistent enough, you will breakthrough. That doesn’t mean you may not have to occasionally combat “imposter syndrome” or “self-doubt”, and it certainly doesn’t mean the self-sabotaging behaviors will be gone. But you will have built the awareness needed to confront it going forward. Your awareness is your control, and your control is your power.